{"id":7365,"date":"2021-02-26T12:54:34","date_gmt":"2021-02-26T12:54:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.reading.ac.uk\/connected\/?p=7365"},"modified":"2025-01-23T15:20:31","modified_gmt":"2025-01-23T15:20:31","slug":"equal-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.reading.ac.uk\/connected\/2021\/02\/26\/equal-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Equal Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Compared to the 1980\u2019s, when HIV emerged and homosexuality was considered a criminal offence, today\u2019s world is shifting, providing hope of creating a safer and more accepting society for all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As part of LGBT+ History Month, CONNECTED spoke to Reading graduate, Matthew Toresen MBE, about his experience of openly identifying as gay and the inspiration behind his work within the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community.<\/p>\n

\"\"Matthew revealed: \u201cWhen I decided to come out in 1983 I split up with my girlfriend at the time, Christine. I loved her, but the feelings I was having were so strong that it wasn\u2019t fair not to tell her. I told her I was bisexual because that was the only logic I could make of it then.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe brilliant thing about Christine is that we\u2019re still in touch and I feel really lucky for that. She came to my wedding with her husband in 2014.<\/p>\n

\n

“I think it\u2019s beautiful when people who were important during certain chapters of your life, like at university, can come together to celebrate new chapters of your life.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI had my first same-sex experience when I was 20 \u2013 this was risky because the male homosexual age of consent at the time was 21, so I could have been sent to prison. I did have relationships with women at university but I never pretended that I wasn\u2019t interested in men, and that honesty was really important to me, and to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reflecting on his time at Reading, where he studied a BSc in Zoology with Psychology, Matthew shared that although there was some homophobia amongst the student body, he had a positive experience at university.\u00a0He said:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cMy time at Reading was generally very happy and a period of personal growth. I think back then, perhaps because university was funded, you were able to spend more time finding out who you really were.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

But sadly not all of Matthew\u2019s experiences of coming out were positive. He said: \u201cMum had a real sense of mourning over grandchildren she wouldn\u2019t have and that made me incredibly sad, but I\u2019ve just never wanted children of my own. And when I first visited home after coming out, one of my brothers told me to use a certain towel because he didn\u2019t want to catch HIV.\u201d<\/p>\n

Challenging conventions<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Matthew explained that it was these perceptions that inspired him to do something to help make the world a fairer place:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cAs a fledgling gay man I was fascinated by what was hitting our community. After graduating from Reading I got a job as a volunteer at a HIV charity, before working for Yorkshire MESMAC in Leeds \u2013 one of the largest sexual health organisations in the country \u2013 for ten years.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

In the late 1980\u2019s Matthew had his first experience in the campaigning world. A Local Government Act \u2013 Section 28 \u2013 was brought in to prohibit\u00a0the promotion of homosexuality\u00a0by local authorities, which understandably caused mass protests by the LGBT community. Matthew published a series of photographic portraits for the creative industries in response to the act.<\/p>\n

During this time, he met high profile campaigners like Peter Tatchell, Ian McKellen and Michael Cashman, who were all campaigning to get the law changed. He said: \u201cWe all risked being arrested, but we knew we had to make a stand and just go for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Equal Love campaign<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In 2010 Matthew continued his fight for equality by publicly supporting the Equal Love campaign, where he challenged the ban on gay marriage and heterosexual civil partnerships.<\/p>\n

He explained: \u201cI got to know Peter Tatchell through my series of photographs back in 1987 and after that we became friends. I spotted Peter\u2019s call-out for couples to be part of a campaign called Equal Love, and me and my future husband, Scott, decided to support the cause.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cAs part of the campaign we had to register ourselves for a marriage at Northampton Registration Office, but because gay marriage was illegal at the time they had to turn us away even though they supported the campaign.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cWe put in a petition to the European Court of Human Rights, but then the government suddenly changed their position to be supportive of equal marriage. Lots of other organisations like Stonewall were also campaigning and together I think there was enough pressure for the law to change.<\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cNorthampton Registration Office then offered us one of the first marriage ceremonies, and we got married on the day the law was changed on 29 March 2014.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think getting married would make any difference because Scott and I had been together for so long by that point, but it really did. It took me a couple of years to get used to saying \u2018my husband\u2019 but now I think it\u2019s a really powerful thing to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

But despite the law change, Matthew and Scott continued to face challenges. Matthew revealed: \u201cMy boss at the time refused to come to our wedding as she felt it would compromise her relationship with God. We worked together for years so it came as quite a shock and I was very hurt by it.\u201d<\/p>\n

In 2016, Matthew was awarded an MBE for his Services to LGBT Equality. He reflected: \u201cIt\u2019s quite amazing. Even in my little lifetime we\u2019ve gone full circle \u2013 from being a potential criminal to being invited to Buckingham Palace to receive an MBE.<\/p>\n

\n

“Being given this award really meant a lot to me because the work that I do has been my whole world since I came out.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Policing diversity, equality and inclusion<\/strong><\/h4>\n

About 18 months ago, Matthew secured a job at Northamptonshire Police as a Positive Action Officer where he is responsible for diversity, equality and inclusion within the force.<\/p>\n

He said: \u201cI had never considered working for the police \u2013 they used to be seen as the enemy \u2013 and today, there\u2019s still a perception that if you\u2019re from a minority ethnic group you\u2019re more likely to be targeted by the police. So I decided to join the force to try and turn those perceptions around and build trust within the community.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re currently looking at why joining the police force isn\u2019t seen as positively as going into law or becoming a doctor, and we\u2019re also exploring our internal processes asking questions like are there barriers to progression?\u201d<\/p>\n

Matthew explained that looking at those issues and finding ways to address them go hand-in\u2013hand: \u201cA lot of it is just so ingrained into ways of working. There\u2019s never been a shortage of white men wanting to join the police force, the problem is changing the pool of those applicants and bringing in talent from other communities.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cWe\u2019re not making it easier for underrepresented groups to join the force \u2013 positive action is not positive discrimination \u2013 <\/strong>what we\u2019re trying to do is take away the barriers that stop them from considering to apply.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

He added: \u201cI think the most frustrating thing is the slow pace of change. You have to change hearts and minds in the community and then convince those people a career in the force is a good idea \u2013 and that\u2019s a long business.\u201d<\/p>\n

Creating a more accepting society<\/strong><\/h4>\n

\"\"Matthew told CONNECTED the progress that\u2019s been made to address some of the LGBT+ issues society has faced has been overwhelming, from the age of consent being equalised, to removing the bans on the armed forces and adoption. However, he added that \u201csociety still isn\u2019t a safe place for many young people to come out.\u201d<\/p>\n

He explained that transgender issues are the latest challenges that society faces: \u201cWhen people saw it as men and women just changing their gender they could get their heads around it, but now that people are identifying as gender fluid or non-binary people are struggling with it.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cWe need to shake up and really challenge outdated narratives, and gender fluidity is really pushing that into the public arena in a way that\u2019s quite exciting.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Turning to his aspirations for the future, Matthew said: \u201cMy hope is that everything that I and my peers fought hard for becomes so normalised that it isn\u2019t even challenged.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore I came out, if I could have hit a button to make myself straight I would have hit it \u2013 I wanted to be like everyone else. But now if you gave me that choice I wouldn\u2019t hit the button.<\/p>\n

\n

“It\u2019s scary when you realise you\u2019re different, but when you realise you are actually part of a huge community it can become a great source of strength.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cPeople buy into the narratives that the media portrays. Back in the 80\u2019s the way that HIV was represented was disgusting. Nowadays it\u2019s great to see more representation of LGBT communities in the media \u2013 something which I think will be key in normalising perceptions for generations to come.\u201d<\/p>\n

Be curious and open<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Finally, Matthew offers his advice for supporting someone who might be coming out for the first time.<\/p>\n

He said: \u201cIf someone you know comes out to you, please see that as a huge privilege. They have trusted you and they are testing the water. Your reaction will impact their experience going forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy advice is simple: accept it in an open and curious way. Often the person coming out needs to talk about it because they\u2019ve been churning it around and around in their heads \u2013 probably for years.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cWhen you say it out loud it hits you in a visceral way \u2013 you feel it in your heart, in your stomach, your throat begins to close up, and it becomes real. If someone is shut down when they come out, it can be devastating.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cJust giving someone the space to be able to talk is a gift. They will never forget you for it, I can promise you that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Discover how our other incredible alumni<\/a> have been making a difference in the LGBT+ community.<\/p>\n

LGBTQ+ History Month 2025 Flagship Event<\/h4>\n

\"WolfendenJoin us for an in conversation with Matthew at our annual Wolfenden Lecture, titled ‘From Passion to Progress: Advocating for Equality’.<\/p>\n

Monday 17 February 2025, 19:30-20:45
G11, Henley Business School<\/p>\n

Register to attend<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Compared to the 1980\u2019s, when HIV emerged and homosexuality was considered a criminal offence, today\u2019s world is shifting, providing hope of creating a safer and more accepting society for all.\u00a0 As part of LGBT+ History Month, CONNECTED spoke to Reading graduate, Matthew Toresen MBE, about his experience of openly identifying as gay and the inspiration […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":170,"featured_media":7208,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[54,98,123,93,34,120,41,126],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nEqual Love - Connected<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Compared to the 1980\u2019s, when homosexuality was considered a criminal offence, today\u2019s world is shifting, providing hope of a more accepting society for all.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sites.reading.ac.uk\/connected\/2021\/02\/26\/equal-love\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Equal Love - 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